Michel's thoughts on anything

New Site

2008-11-19T19:22:00.001-05:00

My site has moved to: michelthoughts.com!!!

I hope you all enjoy it!

Blondes Do Not Really Have More Fun...

2008-11-06T17:57:00.001-05:00

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all
brunettes, chartered a double-decker bus for a weekend
gambling trip.
The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the
blonde team rode on the top level.
The brunette team down below really whooped it up, having
a great time, when one of the brunettes realized she had
not heard anything from the blondes upstairs.
She decided to go up and investigate. When the brunette
reached the top, she found all the blondes in fear, staring
straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of
them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck is going on up here?
We are having a great time downstairs!'
One of the blondes looked at her, swallowed hard, and
whispered, 'YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE A DRIVER!'

Obama is Black?

2008-11-05T15:27:00.001-05:00

Constantly people talking about Obama keep mentioning that he is black but I say who cares? So a black can become president, I'm all for that and that's not the reason why I'm against Obama. The reason is because he's a Muslim communist and dangerous for Jews, Israel and everything that America stands for! He wants change which we don't need right now rather we need stabilization.

Does anyone for a second think he's going to do even a quarter of what he said? He's going to say as soon as he becomes president that change cant happen right away and he will need 4 years to fix up America and the change will happen the second 4 years.

Now that he has won though we must face facts and that's what is. For all the people who think they have to leave America now, GO! America doesn't need you! If you cant stand beside it for good and bad times then leave. Its like the stock market, its never stable, there are ups and downs and that doesn't mean you have to take your money out every time it goes down a little bit.

Ikea Press Release

2008-11-05T12:07:00.001-05:00

IKEA has announced its intention to start selling cars.

VOTE!!

2008-11-04T09:47:00.001-05:00

Go out and vote for HOPE & CHANGE but do NOT vote for a muslim communist who cannot prove his citizenship!!

Dumb Obama Voters

2008-11-03T11:46:00.001-05:00

Click here for a short clip about obama's dumb voters

Judaism - Izn't It Funny?

2008-11-03T11:43:00.001-05:00

Isn't it funny that $10 seems like a lot when we give tzedaka, but so little when we go shopping?
Isn't it funny how one hour seems so long when we worship G-d, and so short when we watch a ball game?
Isn't it funny how 2 hours in shul seem so much longer than when we watch a video?
Isn't it funny how when a ball game goes into overtime we get so excited, but when prayers last a little longer than usual, we complain?
Isn't it funny how we find reading a whole Parsha from the Torah tiring, but it's so easy to read 100 pages of the latest novel?
Isn't it funny how we want to sit in the front row when we go to a basketball game but we sit in the last rows of the shul?
Isn't it funny how we need 2 or three weeks notice when there is an event to attend in the shul, and how we are always available for other events or programs?
Isn't it funny how we have difficulty to learn the parsha, but so easy to learn and tell the latest gossip?
Isn't it funny how we believe in the newspapers, but we question the Torah? Isn't it funny how we send millions of jokes via e-mail that spread like wildfire, but when we receive something about Judaism, we don't re-send them to anyone?

Back Seat Driver

2008-11-02T21:00:00.001-05:00

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

Finger Painting (Part II)

2008-11-02T09:50:00.001-05:00

The Power of Answering Amen!

2008-10-31T11:53:00.001-04:00

Amazing true story that recently occurred in Ashdod...
The mother of the family passed away and for the elevation of the mother's soul, the family took upon themselves that each family member must say blessings of food aloud for others to hear in order to answer Amen.
One day the daughter came home from school and felt terribly thirsty but no one was home to answer Amen to her blessing. She waited and waited till someone will come home and answer Amen to the blessing of the water. Although she felt extremely thirsty, she waited two and a half hours till someone arrived home to 'relieve' her.
That same night she had a dream and her deceased mother told her, "Know my daughter, the fact that you overcame your thirst and waited two and a half hours for someone to answer Amen made a tremendous impression in Shamayim. Because of your deed, it was ruled in Shamayim that a good decree will be bestowed. One of your classmates is very ill with the terrible sickness. In the merit of the good deed you performed it was decreed in Shamayim that your classmate will heal completely. The name of the classmate is ------."
At 5 am, the girl woke up in a frenzy and rushed to wake up her father to tell him her dream. The father told her that in the morning, he will look further into this matter since no one knew that this classmate was ill.
In the morning, the father called the classmate's father and casually asked him the well being of his family. The classmate's father answered that everything is ok but wanted to know why he is asking. The widow father revealed to him that he knows that his daughter is ill.
The classmate's father was in shock because they kept this matter top secret. The other father told him the development of how this knowledge came about and told him that his daughter said that her classmate will completely heal.
Both fathers belong to the same Hasidic sect. They immediately went to their Rebbe in Yerushalayim to tell him the dream. The Rebbe instructed that the ill girl be taken for a check up. On the same day, the girl was scheduled for her first chemotherapy treatment.
The family was prepared for the amazing results but the doctors shock was complete.
The results of the exam came out totally clean, without a trace of any illness!!!
The power of stubbornly observing a Mitzvah can save the whole world!

Chelsea Clinton

2008-10-30T15:05:00.001-04:00

Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. soldier. She asked if, as an American fighting man, anything scared him.

He told her there were only three things he feared:
1) Osama

2) Obama

AND

3) Yo Mama

Lifecycle of a Chicken

2008-10-30T09:48:00.001-04:00

Hollywood’s Big Guns Come Out And Tell You To VOTE!!!

2008-10-29T21:13:00.001-04:00

Finger Painting

2008-10-29T11:25:00.001-04:00

It takes him four hours to do a hand. Then he photographs it for posterity. It took him 10 hours to do the two-handed Eagle in picture #2.

Gun Control

2008-10-28T11:12:00.003-04:00

Obama For President!? Seriously....

2008-10-28T11:12:00.001-04:00

Why is all of this going unnoticed by the media???? They send 1000 reporters to Alaska to dig up something on Sarah Palin and they have this right in front of their eyes!

From Dreams of My Father:'I ceased to advertise my mother's race at the age of 12 or 13, when I began to suspect that by doing so I was ingratiating myself to whites.'

From Dreams of My Father : 'I found a solace in nursing a pervasive sense of grievance and animosity against my mother's race.'

From Dreams of My Father:'There was something about him that made me wary, a little too sure of himself, maybe. And white.'

From Dreams of My Father: 'It remained necessary to prove which side you were on, to show your loyalty to the black masses, to strike out and name names.'

From Dreams of My Father:'I never emulate white men and brown men whose fates didn't speak to my own. It was into my father's image, the black man, son of Africa , that I'd packed all the attributes I sought in myself , the attributes of Martin and Malcolm, DuBois and Mandela.'

And FINALLY the Most Damning one of ALL of them!!!

From Audacity of Hope:
'I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.'
(Note: these are not all 100% true, check it out on snopes.com by clicking here.)

You Never Know!

2008-10-27T12:47:00.001-04:00

A young tourist from Denmark came to the Kotel Yesterday. I could not get him to put on tefillin. No matter what I tried, he was insistent that he was not going to put them on. He had put them on for a year when he was much younger, but “it didn’t do anything” for him. He has not put them on since.

I tried to explain that he was not doing it right or it would have been “doing something” for him. He pushed all of my answers away. He had just graduated from medical school and had an attitude that if it doesn’t work, you don’t do it. I tried talking to him for some ten minutes. I used all of my examples that have worked in the past, but he would not budge. I was surprised that he didn’t just walk away. In truth, he was so negative that I was about to walk away.

Just then three young Japanese tourists walked by. I looked over to them and said something to them in Japanese. I enjoy seeing how shocked they are when they see someone who looks like I do speaking Japanese. I remember maybe a dozen or two sentences from when I was in Japan over fifty years ago. My accent and vocabulary really surprise them.

It turned out that the Jew was even more shocked than they were. He asked them in English, “Is he really speaking Japanese to you? Can you understand him?” They said yes. He smiled broadly and announced, “That you can speak Japanese … That’s amazing! Okay, I’ll put on tefillin.”

Now I was the one who was amazed. I have no idea why my speaking Japanese changed his mind.

I quickly helped him to put on tefillin. After he said the prayers, I had him pray for his loved ones and his own needs. I saw that he was finally opening up a little and in fact was enjoying his experience. So many long years of negativity fell away in those few minutes. His long-held opinions changed; from being totally negative to somewhat open.

What a blessing this was for him. He is at the age where he is looking to get married. With a completely negative attitude about Judaism, he could easily intermarry. These few minutes wearing tefillin and opening his heart at the Kotel may very well have saved him from that.

Am I recommending that everyone learn to speak Japanese in case some day it will convince someone to do a mitzvah? No, I am not. But I am recommending not giving up. When helping someone to come to a mitzvah, try whatever you can. You never know what might work.

Random Cartoons

2008-10-26T02:14:00.001-04:00

James Burchfield: Sound Stylings by a Human Beatbox

2008-10-13T12:00:00.001-04:00

Baby Instructions (part 2)

2008-10-12T10:10:00.001-04:00

Biden is McCain?

2008-10-08T15:46:00.002-04:00

Biden gets introduced as "John McCain"

Money!?

2008-10-08T08:22:00.001-04:00

Though I try not to make this blog political, I thought this was an interesting letter found on the Monsey Shuls yahoo group.

This election has me very worried. So many things to consider. About a year ago I would have voted for Obama. I have changed my mind three times since then. I watch all the news channels, jumping from one to the other. I must admit this drives my husband crazy, but I feel if you view MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News, you might get some middle ground to work with. About six months ago, I started wondering 'where did the money come from for Obama?' I have four daughters that went to college, we were middle class and money was tight. We (including my girls) worked hard and there were lots of student loans.
I started looking into Obama's life.
Around 1979 Obama started college at Occidental in California. He is very open about his two years at Occidental. He tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time. Even though he had a brilliant mind, he admittedly did not apply himself to his studies. 'Barry' (that was the name he used all his life) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both of Pakistan. During the summer of 1981, after his second year of college, he made his 'around the world' trip. He stopped to see his mother in Indonesia, next he went to Hyderabad in India, spent three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family, then off to Africa to visit his father's family. My question is 'where did he get the money?' Neither I nor any of my children would have had the money for a trip like this when they were in college. When he returned to the states he began attending Columbia University in New York. At this time he wants everyone to call him Barack - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap to say the least! Where did he get the money for tuition? Student loans? I couldn't find that information. After Columbia, he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer earning $12,000 a year. Why Chicago? Why not New York? He already lived there.
By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko, born in Aleppo, Syria, a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year, he also was named Entrepreneur of the Decade by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association. Approximately two years after meeting Rezko, Obama enters Harvard Law School. Again the question where does he get the money? More student loans? After law school he moves back to Chicago Rezko offers him a job which he turns down and then accepts a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill and Galland. Guess what - this law firm represents Rezar which is owned by Tony Rezko. Rezko is one of the first major financial contributors when Obama runs for political office in Chicago In 2003 Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama. Chicago Tribune reporter, David Mendelland, claims this was instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money' for his U S Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in the Kenwood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than asking price). With ALL those student loans - where did he get the money? On the same day Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining property, an empty lot, for the full asking price. The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi born billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's home was purchased. Obama has met Nadhmi Auchi many time with Rezko.
Now we have Obama running for President. Valerie Jarrett was Michele Obama's boss and is currently Barack's chief advisor. He has stated that he makes no major decisions without talking to her first. Where was Jarrett born? Ready for this - Shiraz, Iran! Do we see a pattern here or am I crazy?
On May 10, 2008 the Times reported Robert Malley one of Obama's advisors was 'sacked' after the press reported he was having regular contact with 'Hamas', which controls Gaza and is connected politically with Iran. This past week, buried in the back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers reported that during Obama's visit to Iraq he asked their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is elected, and he will 'Take care of things'.
Oh and by the way, remember the college roommates that were from Pakistan? They are in charge of all 'small' Internet campaign contributions for Obama. Where is that money coming from? The poor and middle class in this country or could it be from the Middle East?
This final bit of news - On September 7, 2008, The Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on 'This Week with George Stephanapoulas'. Obama on talking about his religion said, 'My Muslim faith'. When questioned he replied, 'I made a mistake.'. Some mistake!
All of the above information I got on-line. If you would like to check it these were my source: Wikipedia, encyclopedia, Barack Obama; Valerie Jarrett: Daily Times - Obama visited Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008; The Times, May 10, 2008.
Now the BIG question - if I found all this information on my own, WHY HAVEN'T ALL OUR INTELLIGENT MEMBERS OF THE PRESS BEEN REPORTING THIS?
A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear -'Beware of the enemy from within!'

Synagogue Memorial Plaques

2008-10-08T08:15:00.001-04:00

On the morning of Rosh Hashanah as the Conservative congregation was filing into the sanctuary, Rabbi Feldman noticed little Max standing in the foyer of the synagogue staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Shanah Tovah, Max."

""Shanah Tovah ,Rabbi Feldman," he replied, still focused on the plaque. " Rabbi Feldman, what is this?" he said, pointing to the plaque.

The good Rabbi tenderly put his arm around Max's shoulder and said, " Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service. "
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Max , in a voice barely audible and trembling with fear asked: "Which service, Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?

The Perfect Husband

2008-10-07T19:23:00.001-04:00

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello
WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked.'
MAN: 'How much?'
WOMAN: '$90,000'
MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing.... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000'.
MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price.'
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!'
MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....He smiles and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

Light at the end of the tunnel

2008-10-05T18:02:00.001-04:00

No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem.
Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!

You're laughing aren't you?

That's good my job here is done.
Have a great day!

When Fuel Prices Go High

2008-10-02T11:13:00.001-04:00

Shana Tova!

2008-09-29T16:47:00.001-04:00

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall .

And may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the American & Canadian Revenue Agency.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May this Yom Tov, find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the Jewish New Year ahead.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may your checkbook and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your partner, your child, and your parent(s). You can say it to your secretary, your nurse, your butcher, your photographer, your masseuse, your seamstress, your hairdresser or your gym instructor, but not with a "twinkle" in your eye.

May we live as intended, in a world at peace with the awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous part of ourselves.

Bless you with every happiness, great health, peace and much love during the next year and all those that follow.

Michel

Have a Great New Year!

2008-09-29T10:19:00.001-04:00

May we all merit the coming of Moshiach this year!!!

Sick Leave

2008-09-27T20:27:00.001-04:00

I really needed a few days off from work, but I knew the
boss wouldn't give me time off. I thought that maybe if I
acted 'crazy,' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down from the ceiling and made
funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her
that I was pretending to be a light bulb so the boss might
think I was desperately in need of a few days off.
A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and
asked, 'What in the world are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly
stressed out. Go home and rest for a couple of days.' I
jumped down and walked out of the office.
However, when my co-worker started to follow me, our boss
called out, 'And where do you think you're going?'
She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.'

Piano Feet

2008-09-25T19:44:00.001-04:00

interesting talent if you can call it that

Pretty Cool Packaging

2008-09-24T15:48:00.001-04:00

Phone Atone

2008-09-22T17:56:00.001-04:00

Breads For Crumby Sins

2008-09-21T16:48:00.001-04:00

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water.

Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask
what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.

For ordinary sins.....................White Bread
For complex sins......................Multi-Grain
For twisted sins......................Pretzels
For sins of indecision................Waffles
For sins of chutzpah..................Fresh Bread
For committing auto theft.............Caraway
For timidity/cowardice................Milk Toast
For ill-temperedness..................Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity...........Nut Bread
For war-mongering.....................Kaiser Rolls
For jingoism, chauvinism..............Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony...................Rye Bread
For particularly dark sins............Pumpernickel
For causing injury to others..........Tortes
For being holier than thou............Bagels
For abrasiveness......................Grits
For dropping in without notice........Popovers
For overeating........................Stuffing
For pride and egotism.................Puff Pastry
For trashing the environment..........Dumplings
For telling bad jokes/puns............Corn Bread

Harlem Choir singing Ki Vo Moed

2008-09-16T18:42:00.001-04:00

Freakin hilarious, the guy iz trying so hard to pronounce the words, big kiddush hashem though

Baby Instructions

2008-09-10T20:34:00.001-04:00

Culinary School

2008-09-07T16:28:00.001-04:00

A little taste of what i do in culinary school

If The Muslims Win The War

2008-09-02T21:39:00.001-04:00

A Jewish Mother

2008-09-01T10:40:00.001-04:00

The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first woman, as well as the first Jewish, President: Susan Goldfarb.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says,
"So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"
Her mother responds, "I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive and your father isn't as young as he used to be ... and my arthritis is acting up again."
Susan then says, "Don't worry about it, Mom. I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."
But her mother continues, "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy . . . what on earth would I wear?"
"Oh Mom," replies Susan, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York.?"
"Honey," her mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends' like to eat."
The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York. Kosher all the way.
Mom, I really want you to come."
Eventually Mom reluctantly agrees, and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and says .. . .
"You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?"
The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do."
Mom says proudly, "Her brother is a doctor."

Why Didn't I Think of That???? (part 2)

2008-08-27T22:55:00.001-04:00

this one took me a second to understand...

Why Didn't I Think of That????

2008-08-27T22:52:00.001-04:00

Impress your neighbors the easy way

2008-08-10T22:36:00.001-04:00

A Seal of Truth

2008-08-09T23:50:00.001-04:00

An amazing Near Death Experience with great detail concerning the Heavenly Court. This is perhaps one of the most vivid and explicit accounts of what the soul may go through when departing this world. A must see.

Baruch Obama

2008-08-08T15:46:00.002-04:00

originally seen here

Workplace Safety

2008-08-01T16:03:00.001-04:00

Ikea Job Test

2008-08-01T15:58:00.001-04:00

Canadian Government Announces $4 Billion for Army Advancements

2008-08-01T15:57:00.001-04:00

Say NO To Beef

2008-08-01T15:55:00.001-04:00

First Picture From Mars

2008-08-01T15:54:00.001-04:00

Great Hunter

2008-08-01T15:53:00.001-04:00

Bad Service

2008-08-01T15:52:00.001-04:00

New Ipod

2008-08-01T15:51:00.001-04:00

Signs

2008-08-01T15:48:00.001-04:00

Politics

2008-07-25T16:02:00.001-04:00

I'm not into politics but after watching this video I'm pretty scared of what America is going to turn into.

Use Glue

2008-07-23T22:41:00.001-04:00

Medical Alert

2008-07-23T22:39:00.001-04:00

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.
This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote(s) repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling you.

Let There Be Light

2008-07-20T22:41:00.001-04:00

Divorce Cakes

2008-07-20T22:40:00.001-04:00

Bad Day At Work

2008-07-15T10:50:00.001-04:00

glumbert - Bad Day at the Office

Why blackouts Happen

2008-07-15T10:42:00.001-04:00

Click on the picture to see it move

2007 Women's Awards

2008-07-08T23:23:00.001-04:00

The Top 10 Contestants For The 2007 Women Drivers Award
10th Place Goes to:

9th Place Goes To:

8th Place Goes To:

7th Place Goes to:

6th Place Goes To:

5th Place Goes To:

4th Place Goes To:

The Bronze Medal Winner:

The Silver Medal Winner:

..... and finally, here is our 2007 Women Drivers Awards
*** Gold Medal Winner ***

This concludes the
2007 Women Drivers Awards Ceremony.
Thank you to all contestants for giving us all a reason to smile and maybe laugh a little.

U Convinced Yet?

2008-07-04T15:49:00.001-04:00

Mathemagician

2008-06-29T23:11:00.001-04:00

Scariest Dentist In The World

2008-06-25T10:27:00.001-04:00

Making up for lack of talent

2008-06-25T10:24:00.001-04:00

Lazy Firefighter

2008-06-25T10:23:00.001-04:00

Baby for lunch

2008-06-25T10:21:00.001-04:00

Woman Dead for 42 Years Before Someone Noticed

2008-06-24T22:08:00.001-04:00

We're not sure what was on TV in 1966 in the former Yugoslavia, but it was the last thing seen by a woman whose remains have only recently been found.
Hedviga Golik, who was born in 1924, was discovered by police in the Croatian capital of Zagreb, long-dead and sitting in her armchair in front of her black-and-white television.
The deceased had been reported missing 42 years ago, and neighbors say they thought she had moved away to live with relatives. Oddly though, the police only recently broke in to try to determine who owned the apartment and they still have not figured out how the woman could have been reported missing so long ago without anyone checking the residence.
"When officers went there, they said it was like stepping into a place frozen in time," a police spokesman said. "The cup she had been drinking tea from was still on a table next to the chair she had been sitting in ... Nothing had been disturbed for decades, even though there were more than a few cobwebs in there."
A neighbor, fittingly, remembered Golik as "a quiet woman who kept herself to herself."

When Dad is a Graphic Designer

2008-06-18T12:04:00.002-04:00

We all know that Moms love to dress up their kids. But when Dad is a graphic designer, anything is possible… It all started out with the innocent baby picture below...

And Then.....

Vacuum Suicide

2008-06-18T11:59:00.001-04:00

Only in China!

Twitter Feed

2008-06-16T10:10:00.001-04:00

With Twitter, you can now have my latest posts pushed to you within seconds of them being posted.

Simply sign up for the service (it's free) and elect to "follow" me. You'll be able to have my latest posts delivered to you via Twitter's website, SMS, email, instant messaging client, or various other third-party applications.

Check out my Twitter feed.

Food Fight

2008-06-11T22:04:00.001-04:00

Cute but a little to long

And You Thought Electronics Were Cool

2008-06-11T18:33:00.001-04:00

Amazing technology from Japan...

Look closely and guess what they can be

Are they pens with cameras?

Any wild guesses? No clue yet?
Ladies and gentlemen... congratulations!
You've just looked into the future... yep that's right!
You've just seen something that will replace your PC in the near future.
Here is how it works:

In the revolution of miniature computers, scientists have made great developments with bluetooth technology...
This is the forthcoming computers you can carry within your pockets.

This "pen sort of instrument" produces both the monitor as well as the keyboard on any flat surfaces from where you can carry out functions you would normally do on your desktop computer.

Can anyone say, "Goodbye Laptops?"

100 Years Ago

2008-06-06T15:28:00.003-04:00

THE YEAR 1907??

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1907.
One hundred years ago. (actually 101)
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1907

************************************
The average life expectancy was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles Of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

The average wage in 1907 was 22 cents per hour.

The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.

Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which Were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." ( Shocking? DUH! )

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years!!

Muppet Show

2008-06-05T22:24:00.000-04:00

Very cute! Watch it a few times to get the full enjoyment!

One Nation, 'Under G-d'

2008-06-04T22:33:00.000-04:00

A first grade teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see G-d?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see G-d because he isn't there. He
just doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:
Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No.
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she
must not have one!
(You Go Girl!)

Jewish Humor?

2008-06-04T22:14:00.002-04:00

Moishe Rabinowitz in the late 1930's fled his native land of
Germany. He sold all his assets and converted them to gold and then
had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.
When he arrived in New York , the customs official was perplexed as to
why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moishe explained. "We
Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and
dairy products, but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate
sets of teeth."
The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for
two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"
Moishe then said "Vell, us very religious Orthodox Jews use
separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate
teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.
The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be
a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products
and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth.
What about the fifth set?"
"Vell, to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandvich."

Lipa Helping Masbia

2008-05-30T09:20:00.002-04:00

Lipa Shmeltzer was helping get the food out at Masbia The kitchen was serving steaks — juicy, 16-ounce kosher shell steaks. Seconds were even available.A soup kitchen that serves steak might sound rather luxurious, but steak night comes only once a year at Masbia, in honor of Grand Rabbi Yeshaya Steiner of Kerestir, Hungary, who died in 1925 and who was known for feeding the hungry.

Why do people make such a big deal about Lipa? Its one thing when he's singing but also when hes volunteering? It probably gives many people the wrong idea of why he is doing it. As you can see when he is dishing out the food someone is taking pictures the whole time. There is a right and wrong time for everything and that is not the time for pictures.

A Senior Moment To Remember

2008-05-27T13:18:00.001-04:00

Read Before Clicking On The Link

2008-05-23T01:18:00.000-04:00

There are two identical pictures that will appear on the screen. Almost
8000 people were tested to see if they could find the 3 differences and
only 19 got it.
See how observant you are and if you find all 3 differences, you are
one of the most elite people in the world!

Click Here.

Be sure to read the bottom line

2008-05-21T18:57:00.000-04:00

THIS IS INDIA. IT'S WHERE YOU CALL WHEN YOU HAVE A TECHNICAL PROBLEM WITH YOUR COMPUTER.

Have You Seen The New $5 Bill?

2008-05-19T19:48:00.002-04:00

Wild Beach Party

2008-05-18T21:53:00.002-04:00

Multiple Births

2008-05-18T21:50:00.001-04:00

A doctor rushes in to the waiting room in Sha'are Zedek hospital where
three men are waiting and tells one of the men, 'Mazal Tov, Mazal Tov,
Mazal Tov, Mazal Tov! Your wife just had quadruplets!'
When he recovered his composure, the proud father said,
'That figures, we're from Kiryat Arba.'
Shortly thereafter a nurse emerges, shaking her head. 'It's a record!'
she exclaims to the second man, 'your wife just had octuplets!'
'Wow,' said the astonished dad,
'But I guess that figures, too. We're from Kiryat Shmoneh.'
The third man turns pale, staggers to a chair and cries out
'Gevalt! We're from Meah Shearim!'

Ralph and Edna

2008-05-14T19:30:00.001-04:00

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you
want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with
all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in
a mental hospital. One day while they were walking
past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly
jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom
of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the
bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse
Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the
hospital, as she now considered her to be
mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna,
I have good news and bad news. The good news is
you're being discharged, since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and
saving the life of the person you love. I have
concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him
there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

Happy Mental Health day!

Shadchan's Job

2008-05-14T18:41:00.001-04:00

A shadchan (matchmaker) goes to see a poor man and says, 'I want to arrange a marriage for your son.'
The poor man replies, 'I never interfere in my son's life.'
The shadchan responds, 'But the girl is Lord Rothschild's daughter.'
'Well, in that case...'
Next, the shadchan approaches Lord Rothschild. 'I have a husband for your daughter.'
'But my daughter is too young to marry.'
'But this young man is already a vice president of the World Bank.'
'Ah, in that case...'
Finally, the shadchan goes to see the president of the World Bank.
'I have a young man to recommend to you as a vice president.'
'But I already have more vice presidents than I need.'
'But this young man is Lord Rothschild's son-in-law.'
'Ah, in that case....'

Beautiful Mind: Stephen Wilkshire

2008-05-14T17:44:00.000-04:00

Truly Amazing!!

Smiley For Sefira

2008-05-09T17:54:00.001-04:00

Awesome Toilet

2008-04-17T12:52:00.003-04:00

This is a picture of a public toilet in downtown Houston - it's completely mirrored:

Now that you've seen the outside view.......take a peekfrom the inside.....

It's made entirely of one-way glass! No one can see you from the outside, but when you're inside, it's like sitting in a clear glass box!

Now..would YOU...or COULD you use this POTTY?

Vermont Motorcycle

2008-04-15T23:23:00.001-04:00

With gas prices going up, I had to purchase a cheaper form of transportation, so I bought a Vermont Motorcycle....

A COWASAKI!!

Mean Mom and Her Public Lesson

2008-04-15T22:48:00.001-04:00

Jane Hambleton had two rules when it came to her 18-year-old son and his car.
"Keep it locked, and no alcohol at all," she said on "Good Morning America" today.
So when she discovered alcohol under the seat of her son's vehicle, Hambleton thought of an innovative and public way to teach him a lesson. She took out a classified ad to sell his vehicle.
It read:
"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."
The ad garnered much attention.
"I know that if you want to move something, you want to sell it, it has to stand out," she said.
Her ad did stand out, and she received a slew of phone calls.
"I got about 70 parents, but nobody wanted to buy the car," said the 48-year-old from Fort Dodge, Iowa. People just called to support her and thank her for standing up for herself.
The "meanest mom in world" moniker was part of her salesmanship, and Hambleton said she figured every parent had been called that at least once.
Hambleton's son Steven, who is now 19, said he learned of the classified listing when a friend called his mother's cell phone asking for the "meanest mom in the world."
"My friends gave me a hard time," he said.
Hambleton said she never intended to generate publicity. She really only wanted to sell the car and said she was not looking to gain attention.
"The intention was to sell the car," and not humiliate her son, she said.
The story exploded after Hambleton gave an interview to her local newspaper, the Des Moines Register.
Though she did sell the car, according to The Associated Press she plans to keep the ad up for another week just to receive feedback.

Reclining At The Seder

2008-04-15T22:45:00.001-04:00

At the Passover Seder we recline to accentuate the fact that we are free people. In ancient times only free people had the luxury of reclining while eating. I guess this is their last chance to do so.

710

2008-04-13T14:38:00.000-04:00

Several days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.."
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

If you're not sure what a 710 is Click Here

Lipa in Williamsburg purim night

2008-03-26T21:29:00.001-04:00

Glad to see Lipa having a great time!

Job Market 2009

2008-03-26T21:23:00.001-04:00

Hillarious!

Test Your Brain

2008-03-26T18:43:00.001-04:00

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
Attend .... Except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.? This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
You do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

9 Must See Sites

2008-03-26T18:32:00.000-04:00

Make Your Own Slideshow | More Slideshows

Mental Asylum

2008-03-25T21:46:00.000-04:00

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Yankees -vs- Red Sox

2008-03-25T21:45:00.000-04:00

A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?"
"The Red Sox."
"Why's that?"
"Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too."
"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"
"No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"

My Story

2008-03-25T21:43:00.001-04:00

Belz Bar Mitzvah From A Different Angle

2008-03-25T21:42:00.001-04:00