New Site

My site has moved to: michelthoughts.com!!!

I hope you all enjoy it!

Blondes Do Not Really Have More Fun...

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all
brunettes, chartered a double-decker bus for a weekend
gambling trip.
The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the
blonde team rode on the top level.
The brunette team down below really whooped it up, having
a great time, when one of the brunettes realized she had
not heard anything from the blondes upstairs.
She decided to go up and investigate. When the brunette
reached the top, she found all the blondes in fear, staring
straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of
them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck is going on up here?
We are having a great time downstairs!'
One of the blondes looked at her, swallowed hard, and
whispered, 'YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE A DRIVER!'

Obama is Black?

Constantly people talking about Obama keep mentioning that he is black but I say who cares? So a black can become president, I'm all for that and that's not the reason why I'm against Obama. The reason is because he's a Muslim communist and dangerous for Jews, Israel and everything that America stands for! He wants change which we don't need right now rather we need stabilization.

Does anyone for a second think he's going to do even a quarter of what he said? He's going to say as soon as he becomes president that change cant happen right away and he will need 4 years to fix up America and the change will happen the second 4 years.

Now that he has won though we must face facts and that's what is. For all the people who think they have to leave America now, GO! America doesn't need you! If you cant stand beside it for good and bad times then leave. Its like the stock market, its never stable, there are ups and downs and that doesn't mean you have to take your money out every time it goes down a little bit.

Ikea Press Release

IKEA has announced its intention to start selling cars.

VOTE!!

Go out and vote for HOPE & CHANGE but do NOT vote for a muslim communist who cannot prove his citizenship!!

Dumb Obama Voters

Click here for a short clip about obama's dumb voters

Judaism - Izn't It Funny?

Isn't it funny that $10 seems like a lot when we give tzedaka, but so little when we go shopping? 
Isn't it funny how one hour seems so long when we worship G-d, and so short when we watch a ball game? 
Isn't it funny how 2 hours in shul seem so much longer than when we watch a video? 
Isn't it funny how when a ball game goes into overtime we get so excited, but when prayers last a little longer than usual, we complain? 
Isn't it funny how we find reading a whole Parsha from the Torah tiring, but  it's so easy to read 100 pages of the latest  novel? 
Isn't it funny how we want to sit in the front row when we go to a basketball game  but  we sit in the last rows of the shul? 
Isn't it funny how we need 2 or three weeks notice when there is an event to attend in the shul, and how we are always available for other events or programs? 
Isn't it funny how we have difficulty to learn the parsha, but so easy to learn and tell the latest gossip? 
Isn't it funny how we believe in the newspapers, but we question the Torah?                                                                       Isn't it funny how we send millions of jokes via e-mail that spread like wildfire, but when we receive something about Judaism, we don't  re-send them to anyone?

Back Seat Driver

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

Finger Painting (Part II)

The Power of Answering Amen!

Amazing true story that recently occurred in Ashdod...
The mother of the family passed away and for the elevation of the mother's soul, the family took upon themselves that each family member must say blessings of food aloud for others to hear in order to answer Amen.
One day the daughter came home from school and felt terribly thirsty but no one was home to answer Amen to her blessing. She waited and waited till someone will come home and answer Amen to the blessing of the water. Although she felt extremely thirsty, she waited two and a half hours till someone arrived home to 'relieve' her.
That same night she had a dream and her deceased mother told her, "Know my daughter, the fact that you overcame your thirst and waited two and a half hours for someone to answer Amen made a tremendous impression in Shamayim. Because of your deed, it was ruled in Shamayim that a good decree will be bestowed. One of your classmates is very ill with the terrible sickness. In the merit of the good deed you performed it was decreed in Shamayim that your classmate will heal completely. The name of the classmate is ------."
At 5 am, the girl woke up in a frenzy and rushed to wake up her father to tell him her dream. The father told her that in the morning, he will look further into this matter since no one knew that this classmate was ill.
In the morning, the father called the classmate's father and casually asked him the well being of his family. The classmate's father answered that everything is ok but wanted to know why he is asking. The widow father revealed to him that he knows that his daughter is ill.
The classmate's father was in shock because they kept this matter top secret. The other father told him the development of how this knowledge came about and told him that his daughter said that her classmate will completely heal.
Both fathers belong to the same Hasidic sect. They immediately went to their Rebbe in Yerushalayim to tell him the dream. The Rebbe instructed that the ill girl be taken for a check up. On the same day, the girl was scheduled for her first chemotherapy treatment.
The family was prepared for the amazing results but the doctors shock was complete.
The results of the exam came out totally clean, without a trace of any illness!!!
The power of stubbornly observing a Mitzvah can save the whole world!

Chelsea Clinton

Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. soldier. She asked if, as an American fighting man, anything scared him.

He told her there were only three things he feared:
1) Osama

2) Obama

AND

3) Yo Mama

Lifecycle of a Chicken

Hollywood’s Big Guns Come Out And Tell You To VOTE!!!

Finger Painting

It takes him four hours to do a hand. Then he photographs it for posterity. It took him 10 hours to do the two-handed Eagle in picture #2.

Gun Control

Obama For President!? Seriously....

Why is all of this going unnoticed by the media???? They send 1000 reporters to Alaska to dig up something on Sarah Palin and they have this right in front of their eyes!

From Dreams of My Father:'I ceased to advertise my mother's race at the age of 12 or 13, when I began to suspect that by doing so I was ingratiating myself to whites.'

From Dreams of My Father : 'I found a solace in nursing a pervasive sense of grievance and animosity against my mother's race.'

From Dreams of My Father:'There was something about him that made me wary, a little too sure of himself, maybe. And white.'

From Dreams of My Father: 'It remained necessary to prove which side you were on, to show your loyalty to the black masses, to strike out and name names.'

From Dreams of My Father:'I never emulate white men and brown men whose fates didn't speak to my own. It was into my father's image, the black man, son of Africa , that I'd packed all the attributes I sought in myself , the attributes of Martin and Malcolm, DuBois and Mandela.'

And FINALLY the Most Damning one of ALL of them!!!

From Audacity of Hope:
'I will stand with the Muslims should the political winds shift in an ugly direction.'
(Note: these are not all 100% true, check it out on snopes.com by clicking here.)

You Never Know!

A young tourist from Denmark came to the Kotel Yesterday. I could not get him to put on tefillin. No matter what I tried, he was insistent that he was not going to put them on. He had put them on for a year when he was much younger, but “it didn’t do anything” for him. He has not put them on since.

I tried to explain that he was not doing it right or it would have been “doing something” for him. He pushed all of my answers away. He had just graduated from medical school and had an attitude that if it doesn’t work, you don’t do it. I tried talking to him for some ten minutes. I used all of my examples that have worked in the past, but he would not budge. I was surprised that he didn’t just walk away. In truth, he was so negative that I was about to walk away.

Just then three young Japanese tourists walked by. I looked over to them and said something to them in Japanese. I enjoy seeing how shocked they are when they see someone who looks like I do speaking Japanese. I remember maybe a dozen or two sentences from when I was in Japan over fifty years ago. My accent and vocabulary really surprise them.

It turned out that the Jew was even more shocked than they were. He asked them in English, “Is he really speaking Japanese to you? Can you understand him?” They said yes. He smiled broadly and announced, “That you can speak Japanese … That’s amazing! Okay, I’ll put on tefillin.”

Now I was the one who was amazed. I have no idea why my speaking Japanese changed his mind.

I quickly helped him to put on tefillin. After he said the prayers, I had him pray for his loved ones and his own needs. I saw that he was finally opening up a little and in fact was enjoying his experience. So many long years of negativity fell away in those few minutes. His long-held opinions changed; from being totally negative to somewhat open.

What a blessing this was for him. He is at the age where he is looking to get married. With a completely negative attitude about Judaism, he could easily intermarry. These few minutes wearing tefillin and opening his heart at the Kotel may very well have saved him from that.

Am I recommending that everyone learn to speak Japanese in case some day it will convince someone to do a mitzvah? No, I am not. But I am recommending not giving up. When helping someone to come to a mitzvah, try whatever you can. You never know what might work.

Random Cartoons

James Burchfield: Sound Stylings by a Human Beatbox

Baby Instructions (part 2)

Biden is McCain?

Biden gets introduced as "John McCain"

Money!?

Though I try not to make this blog political, I thought this was an interesting letter found on the Monsey Shuls yahoo group.

This election has me very worried. So many things to consider. About a year ago I would have voted for Obama. I have changed my mind three times since then. I watch all the news channels, jumping from one to the other. I must admit this drives my husband crazy, but I feel if you view MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News, you might get some middle ground to work with. About six months ago, I started wondering 'where did the money come from for Obama?' I have four daughters that went to college, we were middle class and money was tight. We (including my girls) worked hard and there were lots of student loans.
I started looking into Obama's life.
Around 1979 Obama started college at Occidental in California. He is very open about his two years at Occidental. He tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time. Even though he had a brilliant mind, he admittedly did not apply himself to his studies. 'Barry' (that was the name he used all his life) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both of Pakistan. During the summer of 1981, after his second year of college, he made his 'around the world' trip. He stopped to see his mother in Indonesia, next he went to Hyderabad in India, spent three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family, then off to Africa to visit his father's family. My question is 'where did he get the money?' Neither I nor any of my children would have had the money for a trip like this when they were in college. When he returned to the states he began attending Columbia University in New York. At this time he wants everyone to call him Barack - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap to say the least! Where did he get the money for tuition? Student loans? I couldn't find that information. After Columbia, he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer earning $12,000 a year. Why Chicago? Why not New York? He already lived there.
By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko, born in Aleppo, Syria, a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year, he also was named Entrepreneur of the Decade by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association. Approximately two years after meeting Rezko, Obama enters Harvard Law School. Again the question where does he get the money? More student loans? After law school he moves back to Chicago Rezko offers him a job which he turns down and then accepts a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill and Galland. Guess what - this law firm represents Rezar which is owned by Tony Rezko. Rezko is one of the first major financial contributors when Obama runs for political office in Chicago In 2003 Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama. Chicago Tribune reporter, David Mendelland, claims this was instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money' for his U S Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in the Kenwood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than asking price). With ALL those student loans - where did he get the money? On the same day Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining property, an empty lot, for the full asking price. The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi born billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's home was purchased. Obama has met Nadhmi Auchi many time with Rezko.
Now we have Obama running for President. Valerie Jarrett was Michele Obama's boss and is currently Barack's chief advisor. He has stated that he makes no major decisions without talking to her first. Where was Jarrett born? Ready for this - Shiraz, Iran! Do we see a pattern here or am I crazy?
On May 10, 2008 the Times reported Robert Malley one of Obama's advisors was 'sacked' after the press reported he was having regular contact with 'Hamas', which controls Gaza and is connected politically with Iran. This past week, buried in the back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers reported that during Obama's visit to Iraq he asked their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is elected, and he will 'Take care of things'.
Oh and by the way, remember the college roommates that were from Pakistan? They are in charge of all 'small' Internet campaign contributions for Obama. Where is that money coming from? The poor and middle class in this country or could it be from the Middle East?
This final bit of news - On September 7, 2008, The Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on 'This Week with George Stephanapoulas'. Obama on talking about his religion said, 'My Muslim faith'. When questioned he replied, 'I made a mistake.'. Some mistake!
All of the above information I got on-line. If you would like to check it these were my source: Wikipedia, encyclopedia, Barack Obama; Valerie Jarrett: Daily Times - Obama visited Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008; The Times, May 10, 2008.
Now the BIG question - if I found all this information on my own, WHY HAVEN'T ALL OUR INTELLIGENT MEMBERS OF THE PRESS BEEN REPORTING THIS?
A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear -'Beware of the enemy from within!'

Synagogue Memorial Plaques

On the morning of Rosh Hashanah as the Conservative congregation was filing into the sanctuary, Rabbi Feldman noticed little Max standing in the foyer of the synagogue staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Shanah Tovah, Max."

""Shanah Tovah ,Rabbi Feldman," he replied, still focused on the plaque. " Rabbi Feldman, what is this?" he said, pointing to the plaque.  

The good Rabbi tenderly put his arm around Max's shoulder and said, " Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service. " 
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little  Max , in a voice barely audible and trembling with fear asked: "Which service, Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello
WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked.'
MAN: 'How much?'
WOMAN: '$90,000'
MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing.... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000'.
MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price.' 
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!' 
MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....He smiles and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

Light at the end of the tunnel

No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem.
Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!

You're laughing aren't you?

That's good my job here is done.
Have a great day!

When Fuel Prices Go High

Shana Tova!

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall .

And may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the American & Canadian Revenue Agency.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May this Yom Tov, find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the Jewish New Year ahead.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may your checkbook and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your partner, your child, and your parent(s). You can say it to your secretary, your nurse, your butcher, your photographer, your masseuse, your seamstress, your hairdresser or your gym instructor, but not with a "twinkle" in your eye.

May we live as intended, in a world at peace with the awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous part of ourselves.

Bless you with every happiness, great health, peace and much love during the next year and all those that follow.

Michel

Have a Great New Year!

May we all merit the coming of Moshiach this year!!!

Sick Leave

I really needed a few days off from work, but I knew the
boss wouldn't give me time off. I thought that maybe if I
acted 'crazy,' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down from the ceiling and made
funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her
that I was pretending to be a light bulb so the boss might
think I was desperately in need of a few days off.
A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and
asked, 'What in the world are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly
stressed out. Go home and rest for a couple of days.' I
jumped down and walked out of the office.
However, when my co-worker started to follow me, our boss
called out, 'And where do you think you're going?'
She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.'

Piano Feet

interesting talent if you can call it that

Pretty Cool Packaging