Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Free Money

A New York shopping mall is doing its part to stimulate the
struggling U.S. economy by giving away $20,000 in cash to unsuspecting
passers-by, hoping that handing out $50 bills will boost consumer confidence.

People dressed as Uncle Sam and the Statue of Liberty started handing out $1
bills around the borough of Queens earlier in the week, then began shelling out
$50 bills at the Atlas Park shopping center on Friday.

Recipients are asked to spend or invest the money and told that if people have
confidence in the economy it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The handouts will continue for two months until reaching $20,000, equivalent to
$0.05 per square foot of retail space.

The mall owners say the private-sector effort will "supplement" the $168 billion
stimulus package signed into law by U.S. President George W. Bush on February

Anyone have the address? ill dress up and then keep walking back and forth

New Office Policy

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Shnowzal stops here

U should really some of his other videos first to get used to his humor

More available on chabadtube.com

Sunday, February 17, 2008

FBI: Gunman Planned to Kill Super Bowl Fans, Was Moments From Being Carried Out

The FBI has revealed that a threat against the Super Bowl was moments
away from being carried out. Authorities say that Kurt Havelock planned a
shooting near the stadium
Police say that Havelock was in a stadium parking lot armed with an assault
rifle and 200 rounds of ammunition before he changed his mind. According to
police, he had already mailed a manifesto to the media describing his plan.
“He could have wreaked havoc wherever he went. He could have taken out a lot of
people, a lot of civilians, innocent civilians and a lot of law enforcement and
it could have been worse than Virginia Tech, said a law enforcemnt source.
Havelock’s father said he convinced his son to turn himself in even though he
didn’t go through with the shooting.
Why did he have to turn himself in? why wasnt there any security watching in the parking lot?

You might be a redneck... no you might be yeshivesh...

If one of your wife's shaitels cost more than both of your cars...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you mow the lawn wearing a black wool suit...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you let your eight-year-old babysit for her five younger
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you consider chulent a basic food group...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you read about a "Rabbi Emeritus" and think he must come from Greece
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you use words like "davka", "mamish", and " skoiach" in
every conversation, even when talking to your maid or the checkout
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you're intimately familiar with which Paskez treats can be bought
with food stamps...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you think "parve" is an official ice cream flavor...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If your grandchilden are older than some of your children...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you had to get engaged after three dates because there are only three
airports in the NY area...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you go to a wedding with your wife and only see one another for the
car ride there and back...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If the only time you wash/clean your car is before pesach
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you think "schmorgasbord" is a yiddish word...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If the school bus breaks down and they ask to borrow your van...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If your wife's clothing choices are not affected by seasonal
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If "kugel making" is the primary female rite of passage for
your daughters...
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If your wife keeps her wigs on the dresser and your TV in the
You Might Be Yeshivish!

If you heard about this article but can't read it because the
internet was ossered...
You Might Be Yeshivish!!!

Ahmadinejad Wanted Moshe Arye Friedman As Rabbi In Iran

According to Rabbi Meir Bruk, Azerbaijan’s Chief Ashkenazic Rabbi, the need has recently arisen for a new Rabbi in Tehran, as the current officeholder received a letter of dismissal from the Iranian Government because he had reached retirement age.

Rabbi Bruk says, Iran’s President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, proposed to appoint Moshe Friedman, the infamous person who participated in the Holocaust denial conference in Iran.

The Jewish community had to find a diplomatic way of persuading Ahmadinejad why such an appointment would not be worthwhile. They apparently succeeded in wriggling out of a tight spot by explaining that Friedman would not be suitable mainly because he is Ashkenazic, while most Persian Jews are Sephardic.

Of course he wants him as rabbi hes the only guy that would do anything he says. "kill your brother," "Sure its probably to get rid of israel so why not?"

Friday, February 15, 2008

It's that time of the year again-nearly!

It's nearly that time of year again, and living in Yerushalyim there is a minhag to prepare for Pesach by Rosh Chodesh Adar, which is this Wednesday. We also have some new Yerushalmi minhagim concerning extra vigilance regarding ensuring that we have no contact whatsoever with Chumetz.

I don't want to stress or panic you, but I proudly took these photographs of our home last night which demonstrates how we will live until Pesach is over.


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Absolutly disgusting

A 58-year-old Taiwan eatery offers rat meat as winter tonics to welcome the Year of Rat.

Rat meat, also eaten in China, became popular in rural Taiwan in the 1940s and 1950s among people who could not afford chicken or pork. Ho-la, a rural eatery at Taiwan's Chiayi county, serves 10 rat-themed dishes, including rat soup, black pepper-dipped and deep-fried rat. The diner goes through around 18 kg (40 lb) of rat meat per day.

I hate chinese people now and will probably stay away from all chinese restaurants.

The sky iz falling down

The Pentagon is planning to shoot down a broken spy satellite expected to hit the Earth in early March, The Associated Press has learned.
U.S. officials said Thursday that the option preferred by the Bush administration will be to fire a missile from a U.S. Navy cruiser, and shoot down the satellite before it enters Earth's atmosphere.
The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the options will not be publicly discussed until a later Pentagon briefing.
The disabled satellite is expected to hit the Earth the first week of March. Officials said the Navy would likely shoot it down before then, using a special missile modified for the task.
Other details about the missile and the targeting were not immediately available. But the decision involves several U.S. agencies, including the National Security Agency, the Department of Homeland Defense and the State Department.
Shooting down a satellite is particularly sensitive because of the controversy surrounding China's anti-satellite test last year, when Beijing shot down one of its defunct weather satellites, drawing immediate criticism from the U.S. and other countries.

Wow this iz very reassuring, there will be something dropping out of the sky sometime soon, hmmm

Very Funny

Cant really tell whos hands those are

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

President Bush the Meshichist during his visit to Israel

This waz seen on chaptzem the worst site and the largest loshon hora terminal in the world!
Do you see any point in these pictures besides stirring up controversy and loshon hora!?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Textual harassment: Boyfriend takes jilted ex to court after she bombards him with 10,000 texts

When Timothy Mortimore broke up with his girlfriend, he expected to have nothing more to do with her.
Lee Amor had other ideas.

She used her mobile phone to contact him more than 10,000 times in 65 days – the equivalent of once every eight minutes.

The 23-year-old called or texted Mr Mortimore relentlessly after they split up and she became pregnant.
Wrongly convinced the baby was his, Amor sent her 37-year-old ex-boyfriend used pregnancy tests and even left a bottle of urine on his doorstep in an apparent attempt to show him he was the father.

She waited outside his home, followed him and his new partner by car, and approached him at the electronics store which he manages, demanding his attention.
At South Devon Magistrates' Court, a heavily-pregnant Amor admitted harassment "in texting, sending mobile video messages, telephone calls, and in person", contrary to a previous warning.

She was given a two-year conditional discharge, told to pay £200 costs and made the subject of a restraining order barring her from contacting or approaching Mr Mortimore at his home in Torquay.
In a statement to the court, Mr Mortimore said the experience had caused him "physical and emotional fatigue", adding: "I wish this constant pressure to stop so I can lead a normal life with my current partner."

Timothy Mortimore

John Watson, prosecuting, said the couple broke up in June after a six-month relationship and Amor 'took it very badly'.
She was warned about her behaviour by police in July but went on to contact Mr Mortimore an "astronomical" number of times.
When police were called they found Amor close to Mr Mortimore's home and after examining her phone logs found a high volume of calls and texts to his numbers.
"Between July and September this came to an astronomical total of 10,843, many abusive or threatening self-harm.
"She admitted to police she had also sent him items through the post, including pregnancy tests.
"It was an attempt to prove she was pregnant and it was his child she was pregnant with. That did not appear to be true and Mr Mortimore has refuted that."
John Smethurst, defending, said Amor, of Brixham, admitted the calls but denied hanging around his house, claiming she happened to be in the area.
"Many of the calls were failed calls, because the network was busy, or he did not answer or pick up."
The indefinite ban stops Amor having any contact with Mr Mortimore at his home or work, either by phone, letter, fax or email.
Magistrates warned Amor she could face a severe jail sentence if she breaches the order.
After the hearing, Mr Mortimore said his ex-girlfriend had made his life a nightmare. He added: "It has been a hard seven months and I just want to put it behind me.
"No one can imagine what a nightmare this has been.
"I think the sentence is sufficient. I did not want to get her into trouble with the law but this was the last resort.
"I had no choice. She needs help and I tried to get it for her.
"She was knocking on my door morning, noon and night. It was relentless.
"The 10,000 calls and texts were just to one mobile, the tip of the iceberg.
"There was also a constant stream to land lines and work.
"She needs help – badly. I didn't want to go to the police but she left me no choice."

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Questions That Haunt Me

Can you cry under water ?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered ?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" ?
Where's that extra penny going to ?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity ?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?

What disease did cured ham actually have ?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage ?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours ?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing ?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV ?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground ?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change ?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp,
which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him ?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

Why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat ?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours ? They're both dogs !

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from ?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons ?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune ?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above ?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt ?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?