Monday, September 29, 2008

Shana Tova!

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall .

And may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the American & Canadian Revenue Agency.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May this Yom Tov, find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the Jewish New Year ahead.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may your checkbook and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your partner, your child, and your parent(s). You can say it to your secretary, your nurse, your butcher, your photographer, your masseuse, your seamstress, your hairdresser or your gym instructor, but not with a "twinkle" in your eye.

May we live as intended, in a world at peace with the awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous part of ourselves.

Bless you with every happiness, great health, peace and much love during the next year and all those that follow.

Michel

Have a Great New Year!

May we all merit the coming of Moshiach this year!!!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Sick Leave

I really needed a few days off from work, but I knew the
boss wouldn't give me time off. I thought that maybe if I
acted 'crazy,' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down from the ceiling and made
funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told her
that I was pretending to be a light bulb so the boss might
think I was desperately in need of a few days off.
A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and
asked, 'What in the world are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly
stressed out. Go home and rest for a couple of days.' I
jumped down and walked out of the office.
However, when my co-worker started to follow me, our boss
called out, 'And where do you think you're going?'
She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.'

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Piano Feet

interesting talent if you can call it that

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Monday, September 22, 2008

Phone Atone

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Breads For Crumby Sins

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich.  Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water.

Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask
what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors.

For ordinary sins.....................White Bread
For complex sins......................Multi-Grain
For twisted sins......................Pretzels
For sins of indecision................Waffles
For sins of chutzpah..................Fresh Bread
For committing auto theft.............Caraway
For  timidity/cowardice................Milk Toast
For ill-temperedness..................Sourdough
For silliness, eccentricity...........Nut Bread
For war-mongering.....................Kaiser Rolls
For jingoism, chauvinism..............Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony...................Rye Bread
For particularly dark sins............Pumpernickel
For causing injury to others..........Tortes
For being holier than thou............Bagels
For abrasiveness......................Grits
For dropping in without notice........Popovers
For overeating........................Stuffing
For pride and egotism.................Puff Pastry
For trashing the environment..........Dumplings
For telling bad jokes/puns............Corn Bread

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Harlem Choir singing Ki Vo Moed

Freakin hilarious, the guy iz trying so hard to pronounce the words, big kiddush hashem though

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Culinary School

A little taste of what i do in culinary school

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Monday, September 1, 2008

A Jewish Mother

The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first woman, as well as the first Jewish, President: Susan Goldfarb.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says,
"So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"
Her mother responds, "I don't think so.  It's a ten hour drive and your father isn't as young as he used to be ... and my arthritis is acting up again."
Susan then says, "Don't worry about it, Mom.  I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home.  And a limousine will pick you up at your door."
But her mother continues, "I don't know.  Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy . . . what on earth would I wear?"
"Oh Mom," replies Susan, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York.?"
"Honey," her mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends' like to eat."
The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom.  The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York.  Kosher all the way.
Mom, I really want you to come."
Eventually Mom reluctantly agrees, and on January 20, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States.  In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and says .. . .
"You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?"
The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do."
Mom says proudly, "Her brother is a doctor."