Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Lipa in Williamsburg purim night



Glad to see Lipa having a great time!

Job Market 2009



Hillarious!

Test Your Brain

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.


The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?


Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
Attend .... Except one. Which animal does not attend?


Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.? This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
You do not have a boat. How do you manage it?


Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the
Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

9 Must See Sites


Make Your Own Slideshow | More Slideshows

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Mental Asylum

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Yankees -vs- Red Sox

A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?"
"The Red Sox."
"Why's that?"
"Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too."
"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"
"No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"

My Story

Belz Bar Mitzvah From A Different Angle

Why Jews Are Not Meteorologists

Divorce?

An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, 'I hate to ruin
your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.
Forty-five years of misery is enough.'

'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Chicago and tell her,' and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, 'Like heck
they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, 'You are NOT getting
divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother
back!, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO
YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says,
'They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares.'

Who is your true love?

Click here to make sure your true love is real!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Meet a Black Person

Lubavitcher Yungerman featured on NBC's Today Show

A Smart Little Boy

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When The postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President.
The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those idiots deducted $95.00 in taxes

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Monday, March 17, 2008

Go Ahead Drink

Friday, March 14, 2008

Am I Ridiculous?

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous … not everyone has met me yet

Yeshiva Bochurs first date

A Yeshiva Bocher (young man) is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his Rabbi for advice.
The Rabbi replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a hotel lobby to talk. They stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his Rabbi's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his Rabbi's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his Rabbi's advice and asks the girl the following question:
"If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

If you don't know some hebrew, skip this

A new guy in Shul, Moshe, is asked to do Hagbah. It was a pitiful sight. He could barely lift the Sefer Torah, almost drops it and sits down VERY quickly.
He was very embarrassed and makes a resolution to go home and work out. For the next few months, he lifts weights, does push ups, sit ups and pull ups. He's ready.
The next Shabbos Moshe goes to Shul and he's all excited and ready. All of a sudden he hears the Gabbai call his name, so he rushes up to the Bima, grabs the Sefer Torah, lifts it and opens up at least 10 columns. Swings it to the left and then to the right.
He's feeling VERY proud. He turns to the Gabbai and says, "So, how was it ?"
The Gabbai says, "Well your Hagbah was great, but I called you up for Shlishi"

Can you guess the end?

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy evening, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on delivery of his toys, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately,the driving conditions deteriorated, and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer.)


The perfect woman.
She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man...
(Women, stop here. Men, keep scrolling.)


So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
(By the way if you're a woman, and you're reading this...this brings up another point....women never listen either.......)

Good News, Bad News

The old guy went to his doctor to find out the result of his lab tests. "I've got good news and bad news," the doctor said.
"Give me the good news first," the patient replied.
"The good news is that you have only 24 hours to live."
"What!" the patient blubbered. "If that's the good news, what's the bad news?"
"I forgot to call you yesterday."

You Vant Everything?

A shaddchan (matchmaker) corners a yeshiva bochur (rabbinical student) and says, "Boy I have a girl for you!".
"Not interested", replies the bochur.
"But she's beautiful ! ", says the shaddchan
"Yeah?" says the bochur.
"Yes. And she's very rich too."
"Really?"
"And she has great yichus (ancestry)! From a very fine family."
"Sounds great." says the bochur. "But why would a girl like that want to marry me? . . . She'd have to be crazy."
Replies the shaddchan "Well, dats only a small thing, you can't expect everything!"

Computer Funnies

What is a computer's first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.
What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
The space bar.
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
To err is human; but to really screw things up requires a computer.
Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
How did the mouse get out of the Russian Cathedral?
He clicked on an icon and opened a window

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Something to brighten up your day!

This is what a computer should do first thing in the morning!

Click here and then type in your first name.

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
........................................................................
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
........................................................................
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?
.......................................................................
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
........................................................................
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
......................................................................
Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
.......................................................................
Every Man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.
........................................................................
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
.......................................................................
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
........................................................................
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
........................................................................
'Your future depends on your dreams'
So go to sleep
........................................................................
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
........................................................................
'Hard work never killed anybody'
But why take the risk
........................................................................
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
........................................................................
A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

Little birdy

A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicolored hair
that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather
rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are
riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.

He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just
glares at him for the next ten miles.

Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man: "What are you
looking at you old fart? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was young and in
the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and screwed a parrot. I thought maybe
you were my son."

Whats your number?

Click here for an interesting site that could guess your number, tell me if your able to beat it

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Amazing and worth the watch

Arabic Slogans Printed in English

Most Syrians struggle to even read Arabic, much less have a clue about reading English.

So, how do a group of
Syrian protest leaders create the most impact with their signs by having the standard 'Death To Americans'(etc.) slogans printed in English?

Answer:
They simply hire an English-speaking civilian to translate and write their statements
into English.

Unfortunately, in this case, they were unaware that the 'civilian' insurance company
employee hired for the job was a retired US Army Sergeant! Obviously,
pictures of this protest rally never made their way to Arab TV networks, but the results were PRICELESS!

This picture is not doctored.

A True Friend

"A true friend is someone who thinks
you are a good egg
even though they know
you are slightly cracked."

Painted Bathroom Floor

*IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY on the tenth floor....*

*YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING...* *(not that you would...)* !
*AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.... *

*You open the door.... **

NOW, REMEMBER,THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR!

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY, DOESN'T IT?


THIS WOULD MESS ANYONES MIND UP!